Year 1: A Reflection

A successful first year.

Living life more fully. Trying new things. Facing fears. Venturing outside my comfort zone. As I come to the close of the first year since this journey began, I find myself clarifying that these were, in fact, the reasons for starting in the first place.

I'm approaching trips and life in a whole new way. I'm packing things into my life that seemed far fetched before. My alternatives list (for the big 40 before 40 list) is growing. I'm repeatedly asking myself, "If not now - when?" Some things are still outside my reach, outside my ability to schedule or afford - and that's perfectly ok. I'm excited to have a new filter for life.

Not just the list - but beyond that too - which is the true goal, I suppose. I've started to think about both my year-long goals and this 40 before 40 list as training wheels. Re-training myself to live differently. I'm never going to be an adrenaline junkie or anything, but not letting things getting in the way of doing things is a good start. Opting in, not opting out!  Using work trips to check things out that I wouldn't see otherwise, choosing to do more and experience deeper on regularly scheduled trips, saying yes to things I would have said no to before.

 

This agenda, this project (whatever it is), has given me the extra push I needed to face some fears, break out of my comfort zone, and take the first step towards some things I'd been thinking about for awhile.

We are often made to feel less than because we aren't doing it all. I don't want to get caught up in that! I set these goals/priorities for myself - and the biggest surprise has been the sense of permission I've allowed myself to let go of other things. It's easier to cut through the crap and choose what's meaningful for me, when I have a clearly defined list of what I'm working on or working towards.
 

I've been busier than ever, but the things I'm doing are so much more of what I truly want to be doing, I'm not as drained. It's amazing. I feel like this may be more true because of the extrovert/introvert dynamic. But I feel unburdened by other people's priorities in a new way. If a friend gets really pushy about doing something, it's much easier to say - I'm really sorry to miss another fill in the blank (i.e.: drinking event) but I'm working on fill in the blank (i.e.: learning to make bread) this weekend.

I know that each day we are here, is a privilege. We get bombarded with that message almost to the point that it loses its meaning. And certainly to the point that it used to make me feel a little guilty about spending a day at home. My homebody tendencies used to make me feel like I was opting out. Those days I just want to spend curled up with a good book. But even those days are gaining deeper value for me.

I have found a way to tap into an underground current. A day alone at home is more fulfilling now - the past year has had weekends filled with bread-making, cheese-making, pie-making, journaling, and knitting. I share homemade goodies with friends and coworkers. I am reading more and reading better. I am seeing the world with new eyes. With renewed possibilities.

Much to my surprise I'm finding clarity along the way (that really shouldn't be such a big surprise, but ... it is). My old reaction was to say, "No" first, then think about it. I think about the reason for my initial gut reaction, and then respond accordingly. Now, I'm significantly more likely to say, "Sure." 

It's easier for me to identify which type of fear is sparking my gut "No" reaction. Is it a fear of failing at something? Pie making. A fear of injury? Rock climbing. Fear of looking like a fool? Salsa dancing. Or just so far outside my comfort zone that I am unsettlingly uncomfortable? Zip lining. Honestly, I'm not sure I really gave much thought to the idea that there were different types of fear triggers before. I can now comfortably say I don't feel the need or interest in doing certain things - bungee jumping, for example. Whereas, while zip lining scares the crap out of me -  I still want to try it. I can look like a fool, but I want to see what it feels like to fly down a wire or learn to salsa. Sign me up.

All in all, not a bad start.

Iceland & Paris next month!! Making dreams come true! Can't wait.

2015 Goals in Review

So ... How'd I do this year?

Not bad! If I do say so myself. I did not check every box of my goals, but as goals became accomplishments, I knew this year was a success. I started adding in things that had felt missing in my life. It has felt good. That's an understatement. It has felt like the ground has shifted below me. that I'm on an all new path. I am.

Let's see how this year has shaken out.

It started with a trip to Arizona and included trips to 15 states, had lots of lectures and speaking events, a ton of reading, and a whole lot more. 
  
2015 Goals Completed

1. Reading 

2015 Goal:

• Classics (6 classics) 
• History/Biographies (3-4) 
• Modern Nonfiction type books (3-4)
• Best Sellers/Fun (3-4) - This is the easy category so I am not reading all heavy/thinking required books.

UPDATE: Completed!!

2. Biking 
2015 Goals include a couple of bike classes, and a partial and full century ride + a spin goal.

• Maintenance Class or Fix a flat class (learn about my bike) 
• Go on a couple more group rides 
• Partial Century
• Complete a Century Ride (this may be a long shot this year, but I want to try)  
• Reach 500 Energy "points" in spin

UPDATE : Partially Completed! I didn't make it to a bike class (shame on me!) and didn't complete a full century ... yet. Hopefully next year, we'll see.

3. Travel 

Goals include day trips, a new state, and a girls weekend. 

•  
• Weekend trip with friends 
• At least 1 new state
• More day trips out of town

UPDATE: Completed! I have been to Arizona, Michigan, California, and Illinois to see family; South Carolina to see a family friend;  California, Utah, Georgia, and Colorado for work (squeezing in some friend time along the way where possible). I have been to Vegas, NYC, and Iowa. And home sweet Oregon and Washington. I've taken day trips to Annapolis, Baltimore and Lancaster County (Dutch/Amish Country!), and the Calvert Cliffs. 

New states: AZ, GA, and SC!

4.  Culture  

Goals:

• Kennedy Center free events - at least 4 events this year 
• See a play - at least 1
• Go to lectures or talks - at least 3
• Check at a new museum or local sites - at least 3 this year 

UPDATE: Complete! The spirit of this goal was completed, if not every aspect, so I feel fabulous about this. I have been to a few free Kennedy Center events and  a musical and opera, multiple lectures, a play at the Wooly Mammoth,  a concert at Merriweather,  saw Cheryl Strayed, and made it to two new museums: the Postal Museum with Polly and the Freer with Katharine. I made it to 3 new museums (Freer, Postal, and the Met). I also made it to the NYC Public Library and an art show at the Brooklyn Public Library, and Alcatraz which is museum like. I went to the Korean War Memorial.

5. Career 
Goals include: applying for the local Bar association, Joining a networking group or association, and getting Business Cards.

• Apply for a new Bar association (local)
• Join a networking group or association  
• Get Business Cards 

UPDATE: Incomplete! This one has been the trickiest. I've been on a roller coaster of plans for my career. I definitely decided I was going to leave DC - so skipped the whole DC Bar thing. Now, it's the end of the year, and I think I'm going to stay for awhile longer. Who knows. I really should just get that done. Maybe?

6.  Spiritual Upkeep
Goals include Journaling - at least twice per month, and going to Church at least twice per quarter.

• Journal - at least twice per month
• Church - at least twice per quarter

UPDATE: Completed! Barely, but made it. The journaling is what I'm taking away from this year. It's been just what I need to vent and sort through things. Church: I'm glad that I pursued this goal, but I haven't found a church home just yet. I just went to a new one on Christmas Eve that I'm sure I'll go to more often in the new year. Maybe there's hope yet. I realized, what I really want is a community - and think I may pursue that in other ways next year.

The Books That Made the Biggest Impression on Me This Year (2015)

I have been deeply impacted by the books I've chosen this year, in part because I set these aggressive (for me) reading goals. I knew I was facing a serious reading challenge and was more conscientious in the books I chose. I chose books that complimented each other or balanced each other. But also, books that complimented me or balanced my current life.

The books that made the biggest impression on me this year weren't necessarily the books I enjoyed the most; though I did enjoy each of the ones I'm mentioning. The books I enjoyed the most were valuable, but in a different way (Dune, Boys in the Boat, Tiny Beautiful Things, etc).

Wild - Because, hello. Cheryl Strayed.
She conveyed humanity as seen through an individual's choices - the good, the bad - and everything else. The basis of her story was overcoming and progressing through grief by hiking the Pacific Coast Trail. Along the way, she addresses complicated relationships with mothers: the difficult, the straightforward, and the complicated web that it weaves over our lives with or without her physical presence. I feel lucky and grateful to have a mother that taught me to see the beauty in the world. Cheryl discusses romantic relationships and reflects on how love can be both powerful and life saving, and not enough. As she takes a step forward on the trail, you as a reader travel back through her life and find out what brought her to this place often full of stark beauty.

I agreed with a friend of mind that I probably wouldn't have found the "character" in the movie all that sympathetic. Yet, I found the book deeply moving. There was a lot more substance and depth in the book. The book addressed her personal, emotional journey much more than the physical journey - allowing you to feel the triumphs of both as reached milestones and ah-ha moments.

I'd also say that this book would be best read if you're in the mindset for this kind of book. Some books you can plow through - to keep up with the lastest bestsellers - and while that would be very doable with this book. it's the type of book that would be almost wasted to be read like that.  

Quick shout-out to Tiny Beautiful Things! A compilation of letters and responses from Cheryl Strayed's advice column, Dear Sugar! It was a quick read, but thought provoking. It covers so many topics from people in a variety of places in life. Not only does Cheryl normalize the letter writer's experience, but she puts things in perspective in such a unique way. Each letter and response is compelling and somehow relatable. Thank you, Stephanie, for the fabulous book! 

Spinster - I was actually underlining through this book. I don't do that! But listen to this: One woman speculated that, "the woman may write her own life in advance of living it, unconsciously, and without recognizing or naming the process." To which the author inquires of herself, "Is this what I've been doing ...writing my own life, unwittingly, in advance of living it?" 

There were numerous stories of women in history that are not present in our modern concept and daily images of what women are and have been in American History. Our cultural concept of women has forgotten these incredible women of the past centuries that have gone the non traditional route; who listened to themselves over the droning shouts of society and lived on their own terms. Successful or not, they bravely lived true lives. It makes sense that they aren't championed through society. It would be mayhem. Or so we are lead to believe. I'm beginning to believe that there's a secret society of a large portion of women living single and loving it and letting expectations roll right off. 

"I couldn't shake the sensation that I was living out someone else's version of success."

I certainly am not able to recommend this book to everyone. It was written in a very literary style and has a fairly specific audience (that I happen to fall into), but it impacted me far more than I anticipated. It helped to re-frame the choices available to women; it was a reminder that we have more choices than we are led to believe. We can create options if we don't like what we are being served. And that was just what I needed.

Flyboys - This is an older book, but I found it phenomenal. James Bradley shows humanity as seen through war. It's not beautiful, but it's fascinating. It was terrifying in parts and heartening in others. He walked through the life of nine different American airmen - including George W. Bush (Sr.) (I now feel differently about him, and would like to learn more about him).

The facts and the commentary made these abstract ideas of war, that we've grown up hearing about, tangible in a new way. Through interviews and a fairly in depth history of American and Japanese war tactics and propaganda we learn about the mentality of both sides of those that were shooting each other down. He told stories about the bombing of Tokyo, first with facts and then with stories from those that actually remembered it from the ground and describe what it was like to see people they love gone in an instant. You feel the heat from the fires started by the bombs and you know the stories of the men who were starting them. It's this dual, full story about war. It almost neutralizes the inhumanity of war while humanizing it in a way I'd never heard or imagined it before. 

East of Eden -  The only fiction book to make my list for this year. This book has stuck with me. It is a story of original sin, it questions the possibility of salvation. Steinbeck ponders with us, as readers, the ability for someone to overcome their inherent goodness or badness. It contrasts those that actively take control of their life compared with those who let life happen to them. He delves into family dynamics and those influences over individual choice. 


In Conclusion: 
Of the books that have had the greatest impression on me this year - three out of four are nonfiction. Reading challenge: Triumph! It's been incredible waking up to new types of reading again. The importance of reading nonfiction has never been so clear.

Information feels like it is actually pouring in through different neural pathways when I read nonfiction. Narrative nonfiction feels different from other nonfiction, too. I hadn't really realized there would be such differences. When I started this reading quest - I just knew I needed more nonfiction generally. It's been interesting discovering which types of nonfiction I enjoy more, and am curious how that might evolve over time.

I'm excited to be on a new plane of reading and no longer have reading shame. I'm excited to be learning new things and expanding my mind.  

For a full list of the books I've read this year, see 2015 Reading Goals Accomplished!

2015 Reading Goal Accomplished!

My reading quest this year has been a challenge, but a success!

The challenge for me was to step outside my normal reading habits and stretch my mind a bit. After recent discussions with friends about the reason we read, it turns out that my friends were reading "to learn" -  so inspiring and so much more cultured and intellectual than me! Reading for self-education? Prior to this 2015 reading challenge, it had been a long time since I'd done anything like that.

I, meanwhile, realized that I had succumbed to my tendency to read for escapist purposes. For the past few years, I have been reading exclusively for pleasure - mostly detective novels and thrillers. Gripping and well written, but minimal processing required. After reading at work all day, I often felt that all the energy I had left was to relax into a good mystery.

In my former pre-law life, I used to read more broadly, even thought-provoking novels was more than I've been reading in the past few years. I had somehow let my reading go.  Yet I knew that I needed to break out of my reading rut and do better. I still love those pulp-fiction books, but I needed to stir in a little depth for variety.

My reading challenge would not have been much for an accomplished reader, but it felt like the path to rediscovering my love for reading. My return to reading, so to speak.

I've learned that I need both types of reading. I require balanced reading. I have thoroughly enjoyed this higher level of book quality, though. My brain was rusty and slower at first; but after some brain-training has gotten stronger. I read my first detective novel (The Closers) at the end of the challenge, and it felt like such a fast read! I read it so much quicker than it would have had I only been reading detective novels and thrillers all year. I wonder how that will impact my as yet unset reading goals for next year.

The Reading Agenda as Accomplished:
A brief rundown of the books that have brought me back to my first love: Reading.

 Classics:

A full review on each of the classics has been previously posted, click title/link to see the review.

1. Slaughterhouse 5
2. Dune
3. Sound and the Fury 
4. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
5. Sherlock Holmes - The Hounds of Baskerville 
6. East of Eden


History/Biographies: 
1. FlyBoys - History of American Airmen in the Pacific during world war 2. More about this soon, but it changed my view of the atomic bomb and President George Bush, Sr.

2. Boys in the Boat - The story of the American row team going for gold in the Berlin 1936 Olympics. A page turner. If you read it, you know that's true. And if you haven't yet, you should. It's amazing how much you start to get caught up in the lightness of a boat, or stroke repetitions.

3. My Beloved World - Sonia Sotomayor - Justice Sotomayor's memoirs. I bought this book at a family friend's bookshop and it sat on my pile of books until a woman I sat next to on a plane happened to mentioned that she really thought I should read this book - not knowing I already owned it. Reflecting on her life leading up to her appointment on the bench. A quick, but reflective read that I found enjoyable and thought provoking. Justice Sotomayor spoke about growing up the child of immigrants, her community, her family dynamics for better and worse, affirmative action, feeling out of place constantly at the Ivy Leagues, and made me feel better about feeling behind the learning curve at law school and after. She wrote humbly and in a very relatable voice.

Non-Fiction:
1. Tiny Beautiful Things - Cheryl Strayed. I feel like I don't have to say more, but will. My good friend Stephanie sent this to me, and I wouldn't have read it was otherwise. This exceptional book has stories from Ms. Strayed's advice column, Dear Sugar. If you liked Wild, you'll like this. Heartfelt. Heartbreaking. Inspiring.

2. Spinster - More about this soon. About literary women in history who chose to remain unmarried and modern implications and meditations on that theme.

3. Wild - More thoughts on this soon, as well. Famous bestseller by Cheryl Strayed, a Portlander no less. An exceptional memoir about her journey through grief and loss and rediscovery.


BestSellers/Fiction/Fuel the Fun of Reading: 
1. Drums of Autumn (Outlander Series) - Part of the beloved Outlander series. (now a Starz show). Jamie and Claire's love and commitment through ups and downs and more than one life could ever really hold. I love every page of every book.

2. Boston Girl - I went to see Anita Diamant at Sixth and I, (also the author of the Red Tent!). About an immigrant family in turn of the century Boston. It centered on women's family dynamics and personal choices. Historical fiction. 

3. The Giver - My mother met the author of this book; and gave me a signed copy! It was a good read, dystopian and original.

4. The Closers (Harry Bosch) - A detective novel. Love them. Harry Bosch, a hardened L.A. murder detective. Thank you, Dennis Reeves for recommending them!

Classic 8 of 40: East of Eden

East of Eden by John Steinbeck.

 

Why East of Eden? This was an exceptional book that I never would have picked it up if not for the enthusiastic recommendations from an attorney in my office and my step mother. They are both readers I really respect, and both said that this was worth the read.

After drudging through Grapes of Wrath in high school, I just never felt the need to read Steinbeck ever again. Now I find myself wondering if I would like Grapes of Wrath... Maybe I was just too young to appreciate his brilliant writing?

The basics about the book: The book wrestles with strong, biblical themes. Good and evil. Sin. virtue. Cain and Abel and paternalistic love and rejection. While these aren't ideas I mull around with regularly, I was captured by this book wholeheartedly.

The themes in book recur to be reevaluated over different situations. It felt like a philosopher's way of thinking out loud on the written page; applying the same idea to different scenarios and seeing what happens. Almost scientific, but so raw and artfully done so that we could all experience it together. It may have just been good timing for this book in my life, but some moments were so visceral it was almost painful to ask for more from the book.

I am truly in awe of his matter of fact descriptions of human nature. Piercing descriptions of the human condition - the inner most thoughts and motivations of all types of different people and how they interact with the world. It is a genius book on social interaction - how our inner most fears and dreams impact not only ourselves but everyone around us.

Steinbeck explores whether we can overcome our personal nature or whether we are fated by it; and while he presents a resolution - the very essence of the book was the exploration; not the conclusion. Digging in to the depths of human nature. Through pains and sorrows and triumphs and celebrations; we question.

Recommended for: Anyone ready to explore themselves; their family dynamics; or anyone wanting a little philosophical contemplation.

Goal 29: Mud Baths in Napa

It feels like my whole life, my mother has been talking about going to the mud baths in Napa "one day." When I was young we lived in the Napa Valley for a year or so - and it was a beautiful time. We used to drive back through on occasion, and even then my mom would say how nice it would be to go to these mud baths. A spa day. One day.

Conceptually - it seems absurd. Why pay people to sit in mud?! But... it's not just any mud. It's warm mud! It's actually pretty hot. And has all sorts of goodness in it. In all honesty, I have no idea why it was so good for us. But i can't argue with the results.

On a recent trip to San Francisco, we made that one day a reality. At the Golden Haven Spa in Calistoga, California.

I was feeling really confident about the whole thing. We were booked for a couples afternoon - they said any two people can be a couple. And I was ready for my day at the spa! I'll tell you what, though, we walked in - and the smell of sulfur and minerals was a little overpowering. It started seeming like it really was silly pay to sit in mud - is that why they made us pay first, I thought??

The sweet attendant gave us a brief demonstration with instructions on how to get in. Looked easy enough! And then my mom, just did it. Easy, right? But I got there, and was suddenly envisioning being the one that falls in - and splatters really expensive mud all over! With a little extra coaching, I finally made it in. And sure enough - you just kind of float. It's weird and awesome. And weird. Did I mention that already? I tried not to think about it too much, but just enjoy the warmth and relax.

Our attendant sprayed the California scent of my childhood memories - eucalyptus - and it was instantly relaxing. She brought us ice water and cool towels for our foreheads. She put a face-mask on us made of ... More mud. A different mud. A cool, smooth mud. She painted in our faces with mud.  Total mud coverage: accomplished.

Anyway, the ten minutes sped by. We showered and jacuzzied in the mineral spring water. We went for the blanket wrap (which is included in the mud bath and is arguably the most relaxing part).

We capped it all by a massage. A really good choice. Because if you're doing the spa day you've talked about for 30 years, add the massage!

All in all a day of much needed bliss.

Goal Number 8: Learn to Make Bread!

I declare: I'm officially a bread baker!

When I set out to rid myself of the fear of working with yeast and the fear of kneading (which always sounded like a very advanced culinary skill), I decided that I had to successfully make at least 3 types of bread - including french bread. I am proud to say, that day has come!

I have made dough with yeast. I have kneaded. I have made BREAD! Edible, tasty, beautiful bread.

Some more tasty, some more beautiful, all edible, all bread.

To date I have made: Easy No Knead Bread; Focaccia; Honey bread; and French Bread. There are now so many more breads that I get to try making. As appears to be the beginning of a trend, I wondered before I made my above declaration - could I claim to be a bread maker? could I claim that i have completed my goal? I have not made dinner rolls or pizza dough or basic sandwich bread. Who was I to declare myself a bread maker?

But I quickly realized that the fact was that I now feel no fear in faces those new bread challenges. I am ready. Ask me to bring those to a dinner function - and I will gladly make them! Which means, I've made it to the other side - from non-bread-maker/fearer of yeast and kneading to breadmaker. Yahoo.

Bring on the delicious wafting aroma of fresh baked bread, please.

I ain't afraid of no yeast!

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For anyone's that's tempted to break some of their own fresh baked bread, let's talk about the breads I've made quickly.

I was so worried I wouldn't see an "indentation"

French Bread -

I used trusty Betty Crocker's French Bread Recipe. 

After looking back at the recipe, I never refridgerated the dough or let it rise a second time - suggesting that bread is a lot more forgiving than I had ever believed. 

Some mild regret not doing the recommended egg wash for a shiner, prettier bread. But still delicious!

 No Knead Bread - Discussed in a previous post.

The Prettiest Bread!

 And the Focaccia!

I followed this recipe from the Cake Duchess, but added caramelized onions and shallot seasoning as I had no tomatoes on hand. It was freaking delicious.

I can't find the recipe for the Honey Bread - such a shame! I will find it though, because that bread was good.

Um, Yummy sandwich bread! Yeah, I made that.